Do you ever put yourself down or internally tell yourself mean things? These negative thoughts are also known as intrusive thoughts. If you’ve ever had any of the following thoughts, you’ve had an intrusive thought:
“I wish I was ___. (skinnier, muscular, taller, shorter, etc.)
“I’m not worth it.”
“People won’t like me.”
“I’ll never be any different.”
“Being positive doesn’t work.”
“Can my life get any worse?”
“Everything always ends up the same.”
“Nobody cares about me.”
“Things will never change.”
Believe it or not, these kinds of thoughts are very common. Most people have them at some point in their lives. However, negative self-talk can be detrimental to us when we constantly allow it to rule our thoughts.
Learning not to dwell on negative thoughts can be a challenge for some of us because it may become a habit. Trying to break free from that habit can be like trying to forget a movie reel that has been playing in our minds over and over again that we need to stop.
How negative self-talk hurts you
This type of self-talk is harsh and judgmental. It impacts how you feel about yourself. It often impacts what we do and our willingness to try things, have goals and take risks. It can have a huge impact on our lives.
Here’s what negative self-talk does:
Decreases self-esteem and self-worth: Negative self-talk can cause us to doubt our abilities, skills, and worth, leading to decreased self-esteem and self-confidence.
Increases anxiety and stress: Negative self-talk can make us worry excessively and feel anxious and stressed, which can impact our physical health and overall well-being.
Affects decision-making: Negative self-talk can cloud our judgment and cause us to make decisions based on fear, doubt, and insecurity, rather than logic and reason.
Impacts relationships: Negative self-talk can lead to self-isolation, social withdrawal, and communication difficulties, which can affect our relationships with others.
Limits potential and personal growth: Negative self-talk can prevent us from taking risks, trying new things, and pursuing our goals and dreams, limiting our potential and personal growth
It's important to challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive and supportive self-talk to improve our mental health, emotional well-being, and overall quality of life.
“ “You deserve the same love you give to others.””
Stopping negative thoughts
Acknowledge what you’re feeling
Notice your thoughts and acknowledge what you’re feeling without judging yourself. It’s tempting to ignore feelings or numb them but the best way to move forward is to let yourself feel for a bit.
“...Ask yourself, “Would I talk to a friend this way?”
Anticipate Triggers
Certain environments, people, or hormonal changes can trigger negative thoughts. “There could be situations in your environment where your unhealthy thoughts are more common, you can adapt better,” says Nick Wignall, a Clinical Psychologist. It’s important to be aware of these triggers and be proactive to combat them. The first step to fighting anything is to know it’s there in the first place.
Practice the Golden Rule —on YOURSELF
We need to have self-compassion and learn to treat ourselves the way we would a friend or someone else we care about. We need to apply the same kind of love that we give to others to ourselves. When you notice yourself thinking negatively about yourself, ask yourself, “Would I talk to a friend this way?” Believe us when we say, “You deserve the same love you give to others.”
Think Neutral
Most likely, you won’t be able to go from thinking negatively to thinking positively right away. Keeping your thoughts neutral could be a more realistic place to start, says Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Here is a chart to show how you could start reframing your thoughts to take on a more neutral way of thinking about yourself during a triggering event:
Negative emotional trigger |
Negative thought |
Neutral approach |
Not qualifying for an auto loan |
“I can’t even get a loan. Nothing good ever happens to me.” |
“This is what disappointment feels like. It’s OK for me to feel this way and try again.” |
Getting rejected for a job |
“I’m useless, no one wants to hire me.” |
“Everyone gets rejected for a job at some point. I need to keep trying.” |
Not getting the grade you wanted on a test |
“I’m stupid. I’m never going to pass this test.” |
“I didn’t do well on this test but I can study longer next time and get a better score.” |
Not getting invited to an event within your network of friends, family or coworkers |
“No one ever wants me around anymore. “ |
“I don’t need to attend every event with my friends/family/coworkers.” |
Of course, there are many factors that can influence our behavior and outcomes in life —our thoughts are one of them. However, the idea that we become what we think highlights the importance of a positive mindset and taking control of our thoughts and beliefs. This will help us get further in life by providing the mental fortitude to achieve our goals and lead fulfilling lives.
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Sources
100 Negative Self Talk Examples to Stop Now
Changing Perspective from Shame to Self-worth | Sue Bryce | TEDxPepperdineUniversity Constantly Down on Yourself? How To Stop Negative Self-Talk
Overcoming Negative Self-Talk: How You Think Changes How You Feel With Nick Wignall
The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk